So I watched “The Greatest Showman” the other day. I loved it, I more than loved it! I love musical’s anyway, but this was one I could really relate to since the main character was someone who was starting his own business, not unlike our own family.
Watching this movie got me thinking about my role as a wife. Without giving too much away for those of you who haven’t seen it yet. This movie tell’s the story of P.T Barnum who comes from the streets and ends up marrying a wealthy girl and starting a circus. It’s something he dreamed of, they even sing a song about it believe it or not! But all through out it, his wife is there supporting him, encouraging him, being his biggest cheer leader.
She sings in the song ‘A Million Dreams’at the beginning of the movie:
“However big, however small
Let me be part of it all
Share your dreams with me
You may be right, you may be wrong
But say that You’ll bring me along
to the world you see”
I love these lyrics, she was dreaming together with him, believing in him and wanting for him to fulfill his dreams! If you haven’t heard this song listen to it on you tube here!
She doesn’t complain, she doesn’t try to manipulate him into doing what she wants him to do, she isn’t insecure in her role as a wife, she lets him dream and lives his dreams with him. I thought I want to be this kind of wife!
Before I talked about ways to encourage and support your husband and that included supporting his dreams. But this movie made me question am I living my husbands dreams with him or do my own insecurities and fears get in the way?
Because the point is, we are the wives that make our husbands, because of us our husbands can succeed and be great! That means we also need to be great and live their dreams with them!
There is the saying “Behind every great man, is his wife!” A husband needs his wife to be great! If we are pulling him down, because of our own insecurities and fears he cannot rise up.
My husband has been dreaming and starting his own business for the past two years, there have been times when I don’t have patience for it, when it has been easy to complain and many times I have felt insecure as my role as wife. These are area’s that I have tried to overcome. He is starting to make money now and have a successful business, but he often says to me, I couldn’t have done this without you.
Whilst we may not realize it at the time, these seasons we go through when it is our husbands chance to rise up, are very important times for us as wives too.
Because we are not just wives!
We are the backbones to our husbands successes, we are the woman behind the man! We are our husbands helper. Right from the very beginning God created woman to be a helper to her husband. So we should be THE person who helps uplift him and follow his dreams to success.
Proverbs 31 talks about the ideal wife. Most of the chapter is about how amazing she is but one verse is about her husband.
Proverbs 31.23 “Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.”
It mentions how successful her husband is and gives credit to her because of it. It is because she is a woman who empowers her husband. She may not be upfront, or in the spotlight, but behind the scenes because of her character and who she is, her husband could be greatly respected. It’s our character and who we are that empowers our husbands to be the best they can be!
So here are my 4 tips to be the woman behind the empowered man:
4 ways to be the woman behind your ‘Greatest Showman’
Be a woman who is secure
A secure woman knows she is loved by God. Our value is not by how much our husband loves us or how much we do. Our value is in who God says we are.
In the same way it can be easy to hold on tightly to our husbands.
It can be tempting to want our husband back home in time for dinner, with us every night to cater to our emotional needs. Holding hands together. Going everywhere together. Whilst it’s good to be one together, and go through things together, sometimes there needs to be sacrifice on the way. If we are always holding onto our husbands to make us complete, as our soul mate or the other half of us, we will become more insecure and be putting a lid on what they can achieve. A man who has a wife who is clinging onto him, does not give him breathing room to do great things.
If we are constantly seeking him to fulfill our needs and complete us we will be disappointed because he can’t. He is only human. We need to get that fulfillment from God.
A secure woman holds everything besides God lightly. Everything we have is from God anyway, so we don’t need to hold on tightly to it.
Sometimes we need to let our husbands go and do what they were born to do. And be secure in who we are, in our relationship with God and what we were born to do as a part of a whole.
Speak with Wisdom not Manipulation
Sometimes it’s easy to manipulate our husbands into doing what we want them to do, saying what we want them to say. A lot of times men don’t like confrontation so with a few tears we can end up winning the argument or getting what we want out of the situation, without even realizing we are manipulating them, because we know how our husbands will react.
Especially when our husbands are rising up and going into new things or new seasons in life, fear and doubt can enter our minds. We can end up saying things we don’t even realize we are saying to try and turn situations around.
But that is not showing love to him or respect. You may get what you want in the short term. But you are not empowering him to do what God has called him to do.
Sometimes we need to listen and think before we speak. Get Gods wisdom to share in your relationship when you are fighting or going through difficult times. That wisdom is not to control your husband, but also for you to learn from too.
Many times I have felt I want my husband to learn this, but God has taught me that I am the one who needs to learn that first. I don’t need to worry about the areas my husband is growing in, that’s God’s job! Trust him!
Don’t dump all your baggage on him
Yes we all have our annoyances, our grievances and our complaints. But we don’t need to let it all out on our husbands every night after they come home, because we had a tough day or feel under appreciated. Don’t be a complaint box.
Sometimes we need to watch our words, how much we say or how we say it.
Just like we wouldn’t want our husband to come home, ignore all our efforts to make dinner or listen to the day we have had and just reel off all the annoying things that had happened to him that day.
I know when I am complaining too much to my husband because he often ignores my complaints. Or when I have messaged him some complaint, he doesn’t respond. Because he doesn’t want to hear it, because those words aren’t lifting him up, they are putting a heavy weight on him! So at those times I realize I need to check my words.
Sometimes we need to be a better listener before we speak. Then we can be more in control of how much we complain and be a wife who uplifts their husband with their words.
Take risks together and make goals together
You don’t need to settle for the stereotypical married life that you imagine everyone has or fear the hump in the road once you have reached certain years.
You can keep your marriage alive by living with purpose together.
Seek goals together, talk together about what you want to achieve together and individually so you can encourage each other too, even if they are different ideas. I feel encouraged when Hiroshi shares my blog on Facebook and I know he feels encouraged when I share his events, we see supporting each other’s separate goals as well as our dreams together.
Be a couple who takes risks too. That means sometimes your husband might share ideas with you, you don’t like. Or you feel are too risky. But why not give it a go and see where it leads. If we are always being his voice of reason and putting a negative lid on his idea’s he is not going to go anywhere. So be a wife who is willing to take a risk, give more, go on adventures more, invite people into your lives more, do something on your bucket list together, plan something big together. Don’t live in the box you have created for your marriage, live in God’s plan for it.
These are area’s I need to grow in too, but what do you do to empower your husband? How are you growing in your role as a wife? Let me know I would love to hear!